


Wasted Feelings Come Alive

by captainkaltar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Bisexual Lotor, Bisexuality, Crushes, F/M, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Horny Teenagers, House Party, Makeup, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Acxa, Partying, Rating May Change, Sneaking Out, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking, Zarkon's kind of a terrible dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainkaltar/pseuds/captainkaltar
Summary: Acxa and Lotor have been best friends as long as they can remember. But when they find themselves thrown closer together, they're forced to question whether they could be something more...





	1. Every Breath Is Magnified

Her room always felt small when he was in it. 

 

Sometimes it was a comforting sensation, with her best friend’s presence making the room feel easy and familiar, the purple walls closing in on them like warm blankets, like an embrace. On other days, Lotor’s nervous energy crowded the little space, the room filled with unspoken complaints and protests, his family woes following him out of his own too-big, too-empty house and filling the room with an edge that only time in her company could reduce. 

 

But she’d never felt him quite as tense and quite as nervous as today. He was generally careful with his words, but on the walk home from school, he’d been nothing short of silent, only speaking when she tried to break the silence with mindless inquiries, wondering how the party at Ezor’s place would go down tonight. His father would never let him go, so they’d never brought it up to him. For all Mr. Zarkon knew, his son was spending the evening studying at his best friend’s house, like he so often did. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

 

“Mind if I freshen up a bit?” She stood in front of her bedroom mirror, inspecting the state of her makeup. School hadn’t ruined it, per se, it was just, well, it was a little too _plain_ to wear to a party. 

 

“Of course not.” Lotor slumped down on her bed, watching her as she coated her lips with a deep purple, almost black colour. They remained in a comfortable silence for a while, Axca focused on her task. It wasn’t until she started to work on her eyeliner, sharpening and lengthening it into dramatic points, that Lotor broke the silence. 

 

“I wonder how I’d look with eyes like that.” 

 

“You wanna find out?” Axca added the finishing touches to her eyes, brushing a fresh coat of mascara over her lids. “I could do them for you, if you like. We’ve still got time before the party starts.” 

 

“Sure, why not.” Lotor sounded bored, but she was familiar enough with the tones of his voice to know he felt otherwise. Acxa pulled out the chair of her desk, motioning for him to sit. 

 

“Now don’t move, or I’ll stab you. Or get makeup in your eye, and they’re equally painful.” That made him laugh, easing some of the tension that had surrounded her friend all afternoon. 

 

She bit her lip, uncapping the little liner pen and holding the tip to his eyelid. She’d done this to herself a thousand times before, but giving wings to someone else? That was completely alien to her. Her friends all did their own makeup, and unlike Ezor and Zethrid, she didn’t have any siblings to coerce into getting their faces painted. 

 

He was so close to her. Fuck, he was so close, she could feel his breath against her wrist as she raised her hand and steadily, carefully traced a line, following the curve of his eyelashes, so long for a boy’s. Her hand nearly slipped as she flicked the pen in a curving line up toward his temple, but she pulled it away before she could do any damage.

 

“Axca? You okay there?” His voice was quiet, tense in a way that she hadn’t really heard before. 

 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” She had to look away, pretending to fiddle with the pen cap. He didn’t know anything about makeup, he wouldn’t notice. 

 

“I’m not moving too much, am I?” 

 

“No, you’re doing great.” She’d never seen him so still, not even that one time when his father had come home an hour earlier than expected, catching them curled up in bed together. They’d only been cuddling innocently, watching some dumb time-wasting videos, but from the way her friend’s entire body had gone stiff, they might as well have been caught in the act of hiding a murder victim in Lotor’s closet. She’d been sent home early that night, and Lotor had showed up at school the next day fearfully silent, hiding inside a too-big hoodie. 

 

“You almost done?” His voice was soft, but it seemed louder in the silence surrounding them. 

 

“I’ve only done one eye, dumbass!” She grinned, clapping his shoulder in a friendly sort of way. “You’re doing so well though, turn your head a little?” 

 

He obeyed her, lifting an arm to brush his long hair out of the way. She found herself catching her breath, watching it sweep down his back. It looked so soft, even though she knew he bleached it on a regular basis, much to his parent’s chagrin. Or at least to his father’s chagrin; she didn’t know that much about his mother and had never met her, since his parents were divorced and he lived in his dad’s house. Lotor hardly ever talked about her, but Axca had never felt the need to pry and ask questions. 

 

By the time she’d finished his eyeliner, tinkering with it to make sure his eyes were evenly painted, Lotor was clearly getting impatient. He had no trouble sitting still, but he was fiddling with a lock of his hair in a way that she’d come to know as a warning sign. 

 

“Hey, we’re almost done here.” She rested a hand on his shoulder. “Just give me two seconds, unless you want lipstick.”

 

“I don’t need it.” His voice was monotonous. 

 

“Yeah, you’re- you’re right.” She couldn’t help but notice how soft his lips looked. Not the fullest, or the most brightly coloured, but still intriguing somehow. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she gently touched the mascara wand to his long lashes. Damn, he barely needed it! How did he end up with lashes like that while she- no, not now, not now! She couldn’t think about him this way, Lotor was just her friend! 

 

“So are we done?” Lotor’s voice broke the silence, cutting through her thoughts. 

 

“Yeah, we should get going.” They had to take a bus to Ezor’s house. Neither of them had cars of their own; Axca’s mom was using theirs for the evening, and while Lotor had his learner’s license, he was never allowed to use it. 

 

As Lotor got his jacket on and fixed his hair, Axca texted a quick ‘on our way’ message to the group chat, instantly met with a slew of excited emojis from Ezor and terse ‘okay me too’ from Narti. 

 

They headed out in silence again, but a different kind than what had followed them around earlier in the afternoon. Both lost in their own thoughts, Lotor’s face as impenetrable as ever, even with the liner around his eyes making them seem larger than usual.


	2. Love You (But I'm Not In Love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezor's party takes a turn for the unexpected, and Acxa can't afford to bottle up her feelings any more. Or can she? 
> 
> WARNING: this chapter contains some underage drinking and depictions of drunk characters. They're all about 16-17 in this fic, so if teenage drinking makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, please steer clear.

“You’re stepping on my feet, big girl.” Ezor giggled, tossing her long, brightly dyed ponytail. Her girlfriend playfully swatted her cheek before lifting her clean off the ground, eliciting a squeal from her smaller dance partner. 

 

“I’ve told you before Ez, Zethrid’s a fighter, not a dancer.” Acxa sipped her drink, watching the two of them from her perch on top of Ezor’s family couch. It felt good to see the two of them happy; it had taken so long for them to admit their feelings and come together, but they really were meant to be. Axca and the rest of their friend group had lived through months on end of them pining and tiptoeing around each other; this newfound comfort and ease with which they moved together was satisfying, it felt right. 

 

If only Lotor could be this casual around her. They used to be like this, as best friends of course, absolutely not as lovers, but Lotor had been so on edge lately, his words and actions carefully measured as if Acxa were one of his family or teachers and not his best friend since elementary school. He wasn’t stressed about school, she knew that, and if he was having trouble at home he hadn’t come clean about it yet. She knew better than to try coaxing it out of him if his parents were setting him on edge. Hell, maybe this party would help him unwind. 

 

She scanned the room, trying to catch at least a glimpse of her friend. Ezor had really outdone herself on the invitations front this time; the living room was properly crowded with a hearty percentage of their grade. Hell, there were even a few of the younger classes hanging around; she’d seen that boy with the red jacket and the messy hair skulking around the school halls, and the shorty in a green sundress at his side looked familiar too. 

 

Finally, she spied Lotor, their eyes locking from across the room. He and Narti were languishing near the back door, the light of the setting sun lacing through his hair. With his narrow frame and dark liner around his eyes, he looked almost otherworldly, like he’s been planted here at this party from some other realm, where people were a lot prettier and a lot more dramatic and oh, she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t fall for her best friend! It had to be the drinks making her feel like this; she’d already downed two slightly suspicious mixed potions that Ezor had given some long, fancy name. The girl was hellbent on bartending one day, at least hellbent for now. Her career aspirations changed every week or so. 

 

“Hey, whatcha lookin’ at?” Zethrid’s voice interrupted Acxa’s thoughts, snapping her back to reality. “Someone in the crowd caught your eye?”

 

“No. No, it’s nothing.” Acxa shook her head. “I’m just tipsy, that’s all.” 

 

“You don’t look it, not yet!” Ezor’s cheeks were flushed, her loose-fitting top slipping off one shoulder to reveal her lacy pink bra. “Want me to fix you another?” 

 

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve still got one to finish.” Acxa held up her solo cup. Truth be told, it was mostly full of melted ice, but she wasn’t in the mood for more, not quite yet. Her head was clouded and her entire body was too warm, she’d be in trouble if she ended up having another. 

 

“Hey, you can make me a drink, cutie.” Zethrid’s voice was getting slurred as she pulled her girlfriend in close, making a big show of squeezing her ass. “You know what I like.” 

 

“Okay, okay, one more.” Ezor leaned up to peck her cheek. “Then I’m cutting you off, Zeth. Can’t have you passing out on me later tonight, hm? You still want me to take you up to check out my room, don’t you?” Acxa suppressed an eye-roll; subtlety wasn’t exactly sober Ezor’s forte, but drunk Ezor threw it out the window and into the trash. 

 

She sighed, edging away from her friends and off to the back porch. A loud song with a thumping, relentless beat started to play, causing Ezor and Zethrid to start dancing, grinding against each other with their lips locked, Zethrid keeping her shorter girlfriend hoisted up on tiptoe. 

 

The back porch was much cooler and more spacious than the crowded, sound-swamped living room. Acxa took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the late spring air. She closed her eyes, trying to let the evening breeze clear her head, maybe wear off the effect of the drinks so she could go back in for more. Fuck, what a weird afternoon it had been, what with Lotor acting off and everything. How could she find out what was bothering him without getting all up in his face and making him snap shut and lock himself away? It was a delicate game, wrangling raw, vulnerable feelings out of him. One false move and he might not talk about anything except for movies or homework or how much of a clueless idiot Throk from math class was for weeks on end. 

 

She didn’t realize how far she’d wandered into her own head until a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, making her yelp in surprise, balling her hands into fists with a practiced motion. “What do you want?”

 

“Heyyyy, relax Acxa.” The voice coming behind her was heavily slurred, but she’d recognize it anywhere. 

 

“Lotor? W-what’s up?” She unclenched her hands, but couldn’t completely drop her guard. They were very much alone on the porch, Narti nowhere to be seen, and she could smell the liquor on her friend’s breath. 

 

“Couldn’ find you inside.” She froze as Lotor shifted, sitting next to her with his arms still wrapped around her, his head flopping onto her shoulder. “But I found you now.” He grinned, starting to laugh. 

 

“Hey, uh- how much have you had to drink, Lotor?”

 

“Don’t care.” He reached up to start playing with a lock of her hair. “Hey, that’s really soft…” 

She bit her lip, her words escaping her, completely unable to respond. How the hell could she respond to that? What did it mean, if it meant anything at all? Finally, she opened her mouth to speak, opting to take the practical route. “Lotor, I- I think I should find someone to take you home.” 

 

“Not yet, please…” 

 

“No, you’re wasted. Come on, we’re going home.” 

 

“But Acxa, I need to do something.” 

 

“It can wait until later, please Lotor?” She was about to stand up, daring to brace up against him, when suddenly she found herself pressed closer to his warm, solid chest than she’d ever been before. She was about to cry out in surprise when his both his hands were in her hair, his arms hugging her tight, and oh god, his lips pressed against her own, and they were kissing, they were really, actually kissing, it was happening! 

 

It didn’t last long. Lotor’s eyes were clouded as he pulled away, sweaty fingers brushing her cheek in what he probably thought was a smooth and romantic gesture. Axca stared at him, breathless; how was she supposed to go from here? Would he remember any of this by tomorrow? Was this just the alcohol messing with them both, or was there something behind it all? 

 

Wasted or not, there was no way she could just leave this hanging. She was shaking as she stared into his eyes, cracking an equally shaky smile. How the hell was she /supposed/ to react to this? 

 

Before she had time to overthink, Lotor was kissing her again, harder this time. She moaned as his tongue slipped into her mouth, the bitter tang of alcohol stinging the insides of her cheeks. She closed her eyes, trying and failing to remember to breathe as she tangled her fingers in his long, silky hair. It felt good, fuck, it felt so damn good! He was so warm around her, and despite the booze on his breath, he smelled really nice, spicy and a little smoky. She could drink in that scent for hours, she could survive on nothing but his kisses and his gentle touch and the sheer intensity in his dark-lined eyes, this was really happening, they were properly making out, she was making out with Lotor, gorgeous, wonderful Lotor-

 

He pulled away abruptly, his eyes deep and dilated as his hands left her waist, their eyes staying locked as he panted for breath, grabbing the hem of his shirt and hastily pulling it off. She blinked, taking in the sight of his bare chest, almost reaching out to touch him before snapping out of it and tucking her hand awkwardly into the pocket of her jeans. No, she couldn’t go further, not like this, not with him like this. 

 

“Lotor stop! We can’t do this here!” 

 

“Okay.” He grinned in what he probably thought was a sexy way. “There’s beds upstairs, wanna find one?” 

 

“We can’t.” She repeated, her voice tense, barely above a whisper. “Not right now, it won’t-“ _It won’t feel right_. If they were going to do something more than kissing, she wanted it to go smoothly; having Lotor sober was probably the highest on her requirement list. What if he woke up the morning after, and realized it had been a mistake? What is _she_ felt like it was a mistake? No, she couldn’t think about any of that now. She still had to process the fact that they’d kissed, and more importantly, find out how to get her friend home in time, before his dad decided to murder him in cold blood. She wouldn’t put it past Mr. Zarkon, especially if his son came home blackout drunk.

 

“I have to go, I’m sorry Lotor.” She stood up, surprised that he didn’t try holding her back. He just sat there, clutching his shirt, looking up at her wide-eyed. 

 

“Come back, Acxa?” 

 

How could she resist him? Sitting there shirtless in the fading light, beautiful and alone and vulnerable, his lips pouted in the sweetest way imaginable. “Yeah, I’ll come back.” She managed to flash a faint smile, trying to regain her cool. “I’ll come back with someone to give you a ride home.” 

 

She shut the back door behind herself as she returned to the cramped loudness of the party, breaking into a cold sweat despite the pressing heat of the bodies around her. Her fingers reached up to brush over her lips, still in a daze, still trying to mentally piece together what had just happened between her and her best friend. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic (and the chapter titles) are lyric snatches from Explosion, by Zolita: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Skg33vKE1s 
> 
> Lots and lots of thanks to @steelrunner for trading headcanons and analyzing characters and listening to me ramble about AUs and fics that I'll never write. Look, I actually published one! 
> 
> Please note that this fic might get more nsfw in future chapters. Everything will be tagged. 
> 
> I don't own Voltron, I'm just doing this for fun, you know the drill.


End file.
